She let out a long sigh as she grasped her mobile phone. On the LCD screen was the name of the guy she had recently added to her phone list. She only had to press the call button. But it was easier said than done, as her finger had been lingering over it for ages.
It was such an easy thing for her when she was younger, but now she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her feelings got in the way every time. Would he think her too old? Would her status at work give rise to gossip? What about her pride? Above everything else, she was afraid. She didn’t want to be thought of as too forward or worse, reveal too much of her feelings.
A bitter smile escaped her lips. It’s not like she was going to confess her love. It’s just to thank him for the other night. Like how you would say “Thanks, I had fun!” to someone, without any hang-ups. He probably didn’t even see that night as a date. “Call me,” he had said when they parted. He could have just been being polite. Still, she could call. But since she became aware of her feelings for him, hesitation overcame her.
Wouldn’t he simply snub her if she calls? He probably doesn’t like women who seem too eager. At the thought of that, she would get cold feet and abandon her urge to call.
It has been a while…
Endless days and months have passed since her break-up with him, the man she used to call her boyfriend. At that low point of time, she had thought that either she had to rid him off this planet or else make herself disappear. It’s her or him. The mental battle fought tirelessly in her. And the result of it? She had grown to become a hard and obstinate woman, not caring about her sexual appeal to men.
WHY does she even have to own a phone?
It was a question she had asked herself repeatedly after the break-up. Her showers were a rushed affair just because she was afraid that he might call. Has he called?? Did he text her?? She became preoccupied with checking her phone the minute she wasn’t doing anything. Many a times she had shaken her phone violently just to see if the reason for the unbearable silence was because it had failed on her.
There isn’t anyone as foolish as a woman in love. Is she becoming that woman again?
NO! It will never happen to her twice.
She shook her head firmly.
She doesn’t give a damn about love. She has her career to focus on. She has complete control over her weekends. She could go for quick getaways with her girlfriends. Gone is the stale stench of cigarette smoke in her apartment. She can now spend hours in the bath every night. Who needs love to take away all that?
In spite of all that, she could not ignore the burning longing that constantly occupies her every sense. “I’m not falling in love!” She looked at her phone once more as she muttered. And while denying to herself, she would find herself at any moment staring in disbelief at the thumb already pressed firmly on the button. Calling…calling...
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? I wanted to translate this story immediately after reading it. I felt the urge to put down the similar feelings I've experienced (and what many women feel) into words. It's usually women who waits (Though I know some guys would disagree). Forever kept waiting...
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