To stay or not to stay

I received the papers for recontracting today. I can recontract for another year when my current contract ends in August 2006. And coicidentally, I came home to see emails regarding recontracting circulating among the other 12 Singaporean AETs in Japan. Yup, there are only 13 of us (plus a few 2nd/3rd year ALTs) among a thousand of ang mohs & ABCs. Many are in a dilemma as to whether to recontract or not. Common complaints for not wanting to stay are the lack of challenge & satisfaction from this job. Some are also worried about being missing in action from the corporate world and not being able to catch up or fit in when they return home. I guess it's in many Singaporeans' nature to feel that way.

I agree totally about the lack of challenge in my job. It's very stress free & requires not a lot of effort from me. Sometimes I wonder why I even go to school when I've no lessons. Looking at the Japanese teachers, I feel guilty & incompetent while I do my own stuff to fill my time in school. Many Japanese teachers actually resent AETs for the disparity between the amount of work we do and the amount of pay we get.

But I do derive a lot of satisfaction from being here. When I see & interact with my students, when I ride my bike around Shiraoka, when I experience the change of seasons (even though I complain about the cold & getting sick), when I travel around Japan, when I read, study Japanese,write, & dance in my free time. I'll never be able to do all of these back home. I'm not worried about not being able to adapt to the corporate environment when I return. Because I have absolutely no desire in holding a 9 to5 job (that's a lie since we often have to work OT!) which I'm not passionate about. If I fufil my dreams, I'll be able to avoid that. Sure, the fear of loneliness strikes me sometimes because people come & go easily in your life when you're abroad, especially now that I know Janet isn't going to recontract for a 3rd year. And once in a while, at the back of my mind, a voice reminds me that my friends back home are climbing up the corporate ladder, getting married & having babies, saving up to buy a car (I don't even have a licence yet!) & flat while I've nothing to claim to but my experiences here. But I don't think I'll care when even at the age of 26 or 27 that I still own none of those. Because I believe that life should be more than that.

So my decision is to stay. To my mum who's reading this, I'm sorry. But you do know of my intention to stay & my dreams, and I hope you won't blame me for always wanting to be far away.